Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
