My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
