If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this just has baby written all over it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This is classic penis vs brain.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
