I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
