My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
