why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so let's talk penis.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Holy sore nipples Batman
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
