There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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