i need an iv and a liver transplant
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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