i think my tv is drunk
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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