If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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