god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
only if we run a train.
done.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
