Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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