idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
