she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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