I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
