She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
