I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The adults are the big ones right?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
