theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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