Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
being pregnant is like rehab
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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