I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
