i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
