someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
