If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
