Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
