Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
