Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
