apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
