im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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