I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
