she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
