I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
