Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
