so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
