Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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