can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
