Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
