she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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