Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
