super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
