I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
