i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
