She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
