Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
