all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
