I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
