Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
