When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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