I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
