Sry I called you an 8
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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