I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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