So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
