I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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